


Secret Gardens

by Deathbyhook



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 02:56:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deathbyhook/pseuds/Deathbyhook
Summary: Ben Solo has been gone for six years. Turns out he’s been an undercover FBI agent making his mark, taking down the First Order Mafia. But that’s not really the problem. Aside from his family coming to terms with his disappearance, and his sudden return. There’s on more mark he has to claim. And it’s the mark he’d left on Rey’s heart the night he left.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is inspired by this theappleisthefruits’s post on tumbler: http://theappleisthefruit.tumblr.com/post/167102449551
> 
> I fell in love with the mood board and just HAD to write it. I have copied and pasted my original thread text to fit like a traditional fic for here. I hope you enjoy!!

“Rey! Get your ass down here! They’re gonna be here soon!”  
“Urrrgh! I’m coming!” She wasn’t. Rey was not even close to being ready.  
She had a limited wardrobe, and the jeans and tees she dons almost religiously weren’t going to cut it.  
Ben Solo was coming back home for the first time in six years. Their mixed family having had a huge fallout after a local scandal released information about Luke’s estranged Father, Anakin. Ben took the news pretty hard; she figures, finding out your grandfather who helped so many had actually done so by working in cahoots with the mafia would be tough to swallow. But Ben’s fall from the light was pretty extraneous and harsh.  
Leia and Han’s marriage crippled after he left. Rey herself wasn’t particularly close to the former, but she knew enough to know Leia didn’t sleep enough. And Han? He was gone periodically- no one but her seemed to notice he’d disappear around certain anniversaries; like Ben’s birthday. Usually it was after a particularly painful phone call.  
Ben had apparently dropped his business major one year before graduating, and decided to pursue a Criminal Justice degree. He shortly thereafter found himself in the major leagues of the FBI.  
So for the past three years he’d infiltrated the very mafia that lead to his Grandfather’s demise. And he single handily brought them down in return.  
Rey remembers the night the news story broke. Leia cried happy tears and Han held her tight. The weight lifting off them both, and they looked ten years younger. Luke was pissed, but it’s been a few weeks and he’s come to terms with it. But that doesn’t change that Ben did some damage.  
She was humored by the fact the anchors reporting the story mentioned his name, but didn’t publish his photo anywhere. Thank goodness. He’d have burned the station down. She knows he’s probably more than grateful they omitted his likeness from prime time television.  
So now- he’s coming home. And she can’t find one flipping thing to wear.  
She decides she’s going to wear her old white button-up server’s blouse, and the only skirt she has (blessedly)— a flowing, calf length cotton skirt. It’s an ethereal light blue that matches the icy flecks that decorate her irises. She gulps heavily and hopes this will knock his socks off.  
She was sixteen when the scandal broke. And he was twenty five. She’s not sure why she fixates on their age difference; probably because she knows he will; but nothing really happened. But the night before he left is what catapulted her slow maddening descent into being irrevocably in love with him. Which was saying a lot.  
He’d been like an older brother. Almost like a real cousin. She’d been Luke’s foster kid since she was five. Always clambering around with Bumbling Ben. He was loathe to admit it to anyone, she knew, but whenever he was with her he allowed himself to be softer. He didn’t carry any weight but hers on his shoulders. So for that night she wanted to carry his.  
He was trembling when she found him. She almost felt the toil of emotions that rolled off him as she tip-toed nearer. It was a warm summer night and her feet were bare. And the grass was soft. The back porch light was off, so he just looked that like a huge lurking shadow sitting in the middle of the yard.  
“Not now, Rey,” his voice was shaky- pinched. The heartbreak and anger suffocated every syllable.  
“I’m not here to play,” she tries. He snorts, so she supposed that was a win, “I just want to sit with you.”  
“Okay,” that was softer. All acceptance and relief. And her heart fluttered a bit at the realization he wanted her there. She swallowed down the elation, because she was to him like her stuffed bear was to her; a security token. He definitely wasn’t falling for her.  
She sat next to him. Her tank rippled in the middle, and her jean shorts rode up her thighs. The heat lined her skin in a glowing layer of sweat. Rey pulled the hem of her shorts just a bit lower, for posterity’s sake. When her eyes adjust to the shadows, she looks over to him and sees a hint of a smirk. Her heart breaks- she knew how hard this all was for him. She thanked the gods for that smirk. His eyes met hers then and the smirk vanished.  
“Oh Ben,” he blinked hard and a few tears rippled down. He curled a little into himself, and she instinctually caught him. Her arms his safety net and wrapping around his broad torso. She let him collapse into her.  
His arms were tight around her, and her heart sped up from the pressure. Her fingers carded through his wavy hair. Her cheek pressed again the side of his. His face buried itself into the juncture of her neck and shoulder; hiding from the emotions. She could feel the heat on his cheeks.  
She knew that he’d deny this moment. Han would never have let him live it down. And Leia would only fret endlessly. Luke would just pay his back. Rey knew- he needed this. Someone to let him be broken and grieve. She could feel him pull away, and she knew it was in spite of himself; all the aforementioned voices probably trying to convince him to be above this weakness.  
“Shhhh,” she cooed and tightened her hold on him, “it’s okay to have this. He was everything to you. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”  
That’s all it took. He gave in. His arms resumed their hold on her. And if at all possible, his face got closer to her skin. His faces slanted a little to compensate for the closeness, and his lips brushed her pulse point. Her breath caught and her heart spiked. That was new. He hadn’t meant it but—  
He heard the startled gasp and he certainly let go. His eyes widened. His hands holding her shoulders and held her at arms length. Rey’s own we’re still holding onto his upper arms. His muscles flexed under her grip; hyper aware she was still touching him.  
“I’m sorry—“ he blinked and looked everywhere else but at her, “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re a kid. You shouldn’t be taking care of me.”  
“I’m sixteen, Ben,” she loathed it, but she was still breathless. His eyes skirted over her so quickly she was almost sure she’d imagined it. But the blazing wildfire that followed that strike of the match, her body burned. She still holds onto that feeling; keeps it real.  
“I know,” he growled, the heel of his palm ground into his forehead, “a kid.”  
“Well don’t get angry at me! I was only trying to help!”  
“I wasn’t- I know!”  
“You did! You are! Gods you’re infuriating!”  
“I’m infuriating? Ever think someone wants to be alone when they’re sitting in the dark, ya know, alone! Lords, kid!”  
“Stop calling me that!”  
“Kid, kid, kid!”  
She’s not sure how or why that argument really started, but she remembers how it ended. She’d stomped on his foot, it felt like something crunched, said a few curses and ran away. Thankfully home was literally next door. She cried herself to sleep.  
Later that night, the creaky floor board in her room squeaked and her mattress dipped. She could smell him, but she was heavily exhausted emotionally and wouldn’t fight him. But she pretended to be lasers out of spite.  
“I’m sorry, Rey,” he kissed her temple. His lips lingered a little and he breathed her in. She’s not sure but she thinks she’d sighed. He pulled back then, and she had listened to him walk back to her door. Creaky board and all.  
“Goodbye, kid.”  
Something didn’t feel right, but she had slipped off into slumber again, reveling in the feel of his lips upon her forehead. When she woke up the next day to apologize, he was gone.  
Well... She wasn’t a kid anymore. And she’ll be damned if he doesn’t do something about it.  
“I can do this,” Rey gives herself a once over, before nodding decisively. Yeah... she could do this.


	2. Chapter 2

“Rey!” She is already fumbling down the stairs when Luke calls the final time, “oh.”  
“Yes, oh!” She huffs. She makes a swift turn into the half-bathroom and rifles through the cupboard, “- aha!”  
Luke peers in to see Rey thrust up a fist holding a can of dry shampoo, “couldn’t you have just showered?”  
“I didn’t have time, worked late at Plutt’s.”  
“That was last night Rey,” he chuckles. She shoots up, bouncing on the balls of her feet. And then she tackles the task at hand. Luke coughs when she’s done, and she glares at him; not at all amused, though she have overdone it.  
“What’s the big deal anyway? It’s just family,” she says. And she knows it’s half assed, but until she knows for sure she didn’t imagine the whole thing that night she’s not gonna give away anything.   
“Yes- just family,” Luke rolls his eyes, chuckling some more, and then pushes himself up and off the threshold. His gaze then finally registering Rey’s outfit. Luke squints his eyes  
“How much time do I have?” Rey sighs frustratedly as she rolls a lint rollover over her outfit.  
“Rey,” Luke puts two hands over her shoulders, “you look beautiful. Now go outside and take a deep breath. I spoke with him yesterday. I think he’s more afraid than you are.”  
She finally lets go of her nerves. She’s turns to start washing her hands. Luke’s right. He didn’t really say it, but he’s always had the uncanny ability to teach her lessons without saying anything.  
“You’re right- I’m being silly.”  
Ding-dong!  
She nearly jumps out of her skin. There not sure how it happened but she broke the nozzle off the sink. Both their eyes widen and stare at her hand.  
“Or maybe not,” Luke deadpans. Again, she glares; not at all amused. Luke speeds away to open the door, while she assesses the damage.

Her head and arms are buried under the sink trying to cut of the water to remove the hardware connection from underneath. She didn’t just rip the knob off- the metal snapped at the screws shaft.   
“Shit!”  
“Well that’s no way to greet your favorite uncle!” Han’s booming voice gives her a fright and her head thumps rather unpleasantly under the counter.  
“Ooh! Kid!” Han grabs hold of her elbow, the hand of that arm rubbing the very sore spot on her skull, and he helps her stand up. He tilts her head just so to check it, he harrumphs in satisfaction, and gruffly pats her back, “all good. Nothing a little car grease can’t fix. I brought goodies for the Falcon.”  
“You didn’t!” Her eyes light up. The carburetor had kicked the bucket a few years back while she was gone and discovering herself. Han smirks his signature grin and Rey hops up to kiss his cheek.   
“I hope it was expensive, that counter hurt like a bugger.”  
He laughs, forever amused by her accent and English idioms, “Common, lets go break open the box.”  
“Oh no you don’t! I haven’t seen her in months!” Leia rushes them, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at her husband. Her eyes fierce, strong, and a little hint of mirth. They lived next door but Rey had broken the habit of visiting when Han was away, and then altogether when the reminder of Ben not being there became too much.  
“Leia! You know I’d never let him hog me,” She she grins mischievously, because they all knew that when Rey got to work on a car, she was zoned in.   
“Hey! I don’t hog!” He steps back feigning insult, and he wraps a solid arm around Leia.   
“Hello princess, it’s been a while,” he winks. And despite the eye roll, Leia blushes.   
Rey observed them. They looked lighter. Freer. Not completely happy, but they look like they could be sooner than the abysmal uncertainty that was before Ben came home.  
Leia throws Han’s arm off her to pull Rey into a bear hug. The woman hugged like a Wookie. Her lungs always a little bruised from the weight of it.   
“Where’s Ben?” Rey asks as they pull apart.   
“He’s coming,” Leia and Han share a look. The lightness faltering a bit, but Leia smiles despite whatever she was holding onto.  
“He wasn’t staying with you?”  
“Well-“  
“Leia, Han- let’s get this grub going!” Luke called from the kitchen. They all shuffled down the hallway, and the two tumultuous lovers turned right towards the kitchen and dining room. She stopped a second to look at the front door. The door opens, and she sees a large body shuffle in. It turns.  
“Rey!” Chewie hollers, big brown arms swinging wide for a hug. She welcomes it and smiles her brightest for her other favorite uncle. He follows the smells of said grub so that she’s left to herself again. And the door. She waits for a few minutes. Nothing. She sighs.

Dinner goes smoothly. Laughs, smiles, stories. The usual for their clan. But everyone is very aware there is still one person missing. His plate set on the table. Empty. It’s getting late and Leia’s cheeks are red from the three glasses of wine she’s had. Han is, as always, goofy but otherwise sober and level headed. The only way you can ever tell he’s even a tad bit tipsy is the dopey grin he gives Leia. She ducks her head while resting a hand at the nape of her husband’s neck. Luke is still sipping his first beer. Chewie is sipping his pop.  
“Rey, you good? You zoned out for a minute there,” Luke reaches over to take her hand.  
“Yeah, I’m good. I think I’m gonna get some air then head up,” she squeezes his hand back as a silent question. He nods and she gets up. Saying goodnight to everyone she makes her way back to the hallway that leases to the back of the house.   
She gently opens and closes one of the doors as she gingerly steps outside. Light in the back living room pours out from the windows. The stars are in full force and she breathes out. She’s alone. She lets herself cry.  
“Eh-hmm. Rey?”  
“Lords!” Rey chokes on tears and spit, coughing a bit as she searches the space around her. Her eyes adjust, and on the back patio, sat on one of the benches is none other than the person solely responsible for her current heartache.  
And he laughs. The gall...  
“I’m sorry- I probably shouldn’t be laughing. But you’re face.”  
“My face?” she’s incredulous. And a bit of indignant rage laces her words.  
“I’m sorry,” his chuckles tapering, defense at the quick in his own voice.   
“And what exactly are you doing out here?” She flaps her hands about, gesturing to the patio.  
“I wanted to be alone.” His voice is sober now.   
“Huh- that sounds familiar,” and she’s not sure if it’s nerves or some reflex but she is mad, “Well, I’ll leave you to it. Don’t want a repeat of last time.”  
She begins to walk back into the house, the only route is to pass him. And she thanks the Gods, but his hand shoots out to grab her wrist. It’s huge and some of his digits brush against the skin of her palm. She sighs.  
“No we don’t want that. Please, Rey?”  
She allows herself to look at him. Perhaps she was angrier at him than she believed to have been. But he moment she meets his soft brown irises, she knows he’d ask of her anything and she’d do it.  
She gulps. Then she sits. He doesn’t let go of her until he knows she won’t run off.  
“How are you?” He’s nervous. He hates small talk- hates it- but he’s testing her limits.   
“I’m not gonna scream, or stomp off- I’m not sure why I even got angry,” Rey fiddles with a section of her skirt.   
“I do,” he blinks, and she watches the Adam’s apple bob painfully.  
“Do you?”  
“I left- and I left on bad terms-“  
“-it wasn’t that bad. You apologized.”  
“I did, didn’t I? I thought you were asleep.”  
They both chuckle briefly.   
“I saw you once, after.”  
His eyes go wide. He suddenly looks angry. He crosses his arms, and sits back. Imperially. He looks like a morally ambiguous space prince, with his back straight and looking at her and around them like he could set fire to it. And despite his pitiful defense mechanism, she knows he’s angry with himself. And perhaps he might be angry with her too... but why?  
“You did?”  
“Yes,” she squeaks, because damn it if she isn’t a little flustered with the husk of his voice and his posture, “about a year ago I was returning from England. I found my mother. I stayed with her for a few years. Hence the accent being as thick as it is again. But yes, I saw you...”  
“What exactly did you see?” His voice is angrier, trembling.  
“I’m sorry, are you interrogating me?” She will match him score for score. He smarts at that. He actually shakes himself, and the contempt that had begun to take hold.  
“No- I’m not,” Ben has the decency to look ashamed, and it deepens before he asks again, “what did you see?”  
“I went to visit a friend, Finn- and his spouse Poe, in New York. I was on one of the subway platforms when I heard you. It’s amazing how much the mind remembers, even though you sounded a tad different. But I knew it was you. I like the hair by the way.”  
She pauses, pointing at his head. The hair long and floofy. Yep, definitely a space prince. She can’t tell, since his back is to the light, but she’s almost positive he blushes.  
“Anyway- I followed you... I saw you beating up a man. Demanding answers. You even pulled a knife on him.”  
He’s sunk in his seat. Unbearably low. She can feel the shame. And the heartbreak. She’s not sure how but she knows he’s waiting for the axe.  
“I was so angry at you. I almost came up to you, to stop you, but I realized you weren’t alone. Someone was standing by, watching you. Later the news showed a picture of that creepy old man. Snoke? I was so angry.”  
She stand up. Because the shattering heart in front of her needed to hear this. He needed to know before she confessed anything else.  
“He and his crooks gather up the man, I was relieved to here him scream in pain. At least he was still alive. And they left. And you stayed. I don’t know why. I should have left or run. But I had to watch you. You screamed. So painfully. You beat the wall. And then you just stood there. Shoulders and fists trembling. I knew that pose. I’d seen it countless times. You were in pain. You were holding back, like you always did when you needed to cry. And I realized. There was still good in you. You were in pain because of what you had done... When the story broke, and I heard your name? I prayed thanks to the Gods that you were coming home.”  
She turned back to him. He was frozen. Tears streaming down his face. What little light did reach the front of it made the wetness glisten on his high cheekbones.  
“Rey, I-“ she rushes to him. The pain echoing in his voice. Her arms cradle his head to her middle and he clasps his own around her like a lifeline.   
“Shhh, I know- it’s okay,” bends down to kiss his crown, “I forgave you then. I forgive you now. You’re home. And when you’re ready, if at all, you can tell me. But you’re forgiven.”  
Ben shudders again. Grips tighter, her skirt almost ripping from his fists’ hold on her hips.   
“I’m sorry,” he breathes out. Finally calm.  
“You dolt, I already-“  
“-No... I meant for that last night,” he absentmindedly smooths out her skirt on the side of her hips. Her heart smiling from the sensation of his large hands brushing against the fabric. Her skin underneath, burning up.  
“Why?”  
“I- ugh- I shouldn’t have gotten angry with you. You were only trying to help. I got angry- never mind,” he draws away from her again.  
“No- no never mind. I don’t need any explanation for what you had to do while undercover. But that night? That was ours, I want to know what happened.”  
She sounds desperate, she knows, but Gods forbid she never knows.  
“I don’t know- I don’t think you’ll like the answer.”  
“Try me,” Rey’s voice is firm. Final.  
“I was in a moment of weakness. And you came to me. And I’m not sure why, but I- holding you stirred me. I felt everything. And by that I mean everything,” he looks down to his pant’s fly. Her eyes widen. And he ducks his gaze away- shamed. Rey’s brows furrow.  
“I got angry at myself. Then you. For being there. For being so damned tempting. And I felt disgust.”  
“Oh,” now she looks away. Rey stands. Arms folding over herself.”  
“Yes- oh,” she hears him stand behind her. His hands find her shoulders and turns her to face him, “you were like a sister to me. You were family. And I almost kissed you. I’m sorry.”  
He’s genuine in his guilt. And she realizes with a harrowing pain, he didn’t want to be attracted to her. She’d spent years, waiting for him. Hoping above all odds he wanted it. She could have dealt with his shame over the age difference. But his shame for having wanted her even fleetingly? No. It hurt to much.  
“I already told you. You’re forgiven.”  
Rey voice is forced. Pinched. Years of penned up emotions fighting to get out. Ben’s eyes skip over her face, taking in every feature like it was all new to him.  
“Rey?” He was making sure she’s okay. She knows that tone. All brotherly concern. The pang hits her hard again, and her hand flys to her heart. That was new.  
“Forget it, Solo,” she smirks painfully, “I’m just tired. I’m happy your home.”  
She pushes past him. Ben’s arms fall from their perch on her shoulders and hushed shivers from the loss of their warmth.   
“Goodnight, kid,” he sounds hallow, and she pauses in the doorway, only turning halfway.  
“Goodnight,” it’s breathless and barely audible. But the grief is all too clear for them both.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just for reference- the house in my story is the exact same house from This Is Where I Leave You... I hope you like this chapter... I’m debating whether or not to add another one... a smutty one... we’ll see! 
> 
> This has not been beta’d! If any of you feel compelled enough and you want to HMU! If not, please pardon my mess! Love y’all!

She woke up the next morning with puffy eyes, and to the sound of Han snoring abominably in the next room. He’d tell her it was Leia, but she caught him sleeping on the couch once. It’s for sure him.  
Rey gets up, rubbing her face vigorously; massaging her swollen eyes. Trying to assuage the built up regret and self-loathing from under her eyes. She looks over to her favorite stuffed animal, BB8.  
“Yeah, I know- I buggered myself and this is what happens when you daydream about Prince Charming.”  
She picks up BB8, and walks over to her dresser. Slamming the stuffed bear into her top drawer.   
She was 14 when they painted her room. It had been all laughs and games. A paint war broke out. And BB8 got caught in the crossfire. She’s not sure why she was so obsessed with orange at the time, but that was the color. And so BB8; which was the first thing Ben ever gave her; was covered in large round orange globs. It was a happy memory. But it was too much right now. She shoves the drawer closed.

Dressed and ready to get started on the broken sink again, she begrudgingly heads to the kitchen to eat. She learned after serving for almost two years that she gets particularly angry on an empty stomach. And no one deserves her deflective scorn on top of her hangry mood.  
She stops dead in her tracks.  
Ben is sitting at the counter. Sipping coffee. Black, two sugars. And he turns away from the book in front of him to greet whomever walked in. His eyes freeze upon seeing her. And she suddenly feels very naked.   
She’s wearing a tight ribbed tank top sans bra, and her sleeping shorts that have creased a bit and might be revealing a little too much thigh.   
“Erm- good morning,” she says, apprehension dripping from the words. Her fingers trying desperately to be covert about pulling at the hem of her bottoms.   
She walks over to get her cup, coffee with creamer only. She pivots decisively to face him.  
“No offense, Solo, but what are you doing here?”  
His slurp stops and he looks up from the pages he’s reading. His brows furrow. He slowly places the cup on the counter as he observes her.  
“My mother turned my room into a yoga studio,” he simply states.  
And despite the shock of him being here, after last night, she shorts. Then she draws the cup to her lips. He stares at the action, and when her hand draws away his gaze lingers where the rim had just been. But only briefly.  
“I take it Luke put you in the basement?”  
Ben brows lift up and he nods exaggeratedly. Takes a sip. Closes his book, and sits up straighter in the chair. She gulps.  
The bugger is wearing a tank as well, and only his forearms are covered in one of his old heather gray sweaters. He looks like a damn photo shoot from GQ. Leaning back on the sink, she crosses her legs.   
“How long?”  
“As long as Uncle Luke lets me.”  
“The Bureau doesn’t need you?”  
He looks affronted, “trying to get rid of me so soon, kid?”  
She pushes herself off the counter and leans her arms forward on the island adjacent to him. Rey knows her top is cut low enough to show just enough cleavage.   
“I’m no kid, Solo. Stop calling me that,” the words are all fire and threat.  
“No,” he smirks. Leans one arm back, and his collarbone flexes from the new angle. She almost whimpers, “No, Rey. You’re not.”  
She nods her head in succinct victory.   
“Now, I need to go fix a broken sink.”  
And with that she leaves Ben to finish his coffee.  
She’s under the sink again, installing all new hardware, when she hears a yelling match. She thumps her head.   
“Bugger!” She hisses. The sink is done, except for the cosmetics- they can use the blossy pliers for all she cares... she forgot to actually eat breakfast. Damn that Solo.  
Rey tip toes to the kitchen, avoiding the living room where it sounds like Han, Leia, and Ben are about to rip each other’s head off with sound alone.  
“You could’ve stayed under our roof! You’re our kid! You were never with us growing up. And now you don’t want to be with us when we finally have you back! When your mom finally has you back,” Han shouts.  
“Oh, well at least you revised that poor excuse of a guilt trip. You wouldn’t be a hundred percent accurate if you both missed me- you weren’t ever around either pops- or did you forget?” Ben rage is met with a growl from Han. Not unlike the one she’d heard from the younger Solo many a time.  
“Is it about the room, son? I left your bed in it! It’s not like we kicked you out or forgot about you! I just want my son back!”  
“Save it!” Ben yells, “you knew! I mean, I never understood why you hated him, but it came out you knew all along! You lied to me for years. Let me believe... he was everything to me dammit! You should’ve told me! I was old enough. Instead you leaked it to the papers. Like some rebel in the night. I- it’s not even about that! You’re son? He’s gone! He’s dead. He died a long time ago. I killed him to do what I had to do. So there! That’s why I’m not at home. It was never home to begin with. And that’s why I’m with Luke!”  
“What’s Luke gonna do that we can’t! We’re you’re parents!” Han and Leia both scream. One starting one finishing.  
“Leave me the hell alone!” That seems to end it, because all is silent. And Ben’s heavy bare feet slam on wood flooring as he rounds the corner to fly through the hallway. He stops dead in his tracks, catching her eye. She’s standing in the threshold of the kitchen adjacent to him. Her lips are pressed thin. Brows crunched together. And his own mimics hers. He shakes his head furiously then storms to the back yard.   
Then comes Luke. Slowly, sagely, walking down the stairs- coffee and plate in hand. He looks to her pityingly.  
She huffs, and storms to the living room. Han and Leia are sitting side by side, a little morose, but it wasn’t about to get better.  
Luke stumbled behind her, “Rey, don’t.”  
“Why are two like this? Why can’t you just deal with it a step at a time?”  
“He’s our son,” Leia says. Firm. Han lifts his chin. They were pulling a family card. And it stoked the flame within further.  
“Yeah- Well he’s my family too. Or did you forget? He’s my best friend. I helped him through your awol phases. I helped him when he didn’t feel like he met your worshipness’ level of approval. I helped him when he felt like he didn’t belong in this family. He helped me too... more than you could know. And he has had to do some things to survive. He has to come to terms with that. He doesn’t have time to deal with that and come to terms with unresolved family dysfunction!”  
“Oh, you would know all about that,” Han hisses.  
“Watch it, Han,” Luke growls. And this sobers both parents on the sofa, “I think you two should leave. Come back after Ben asks to see you. Rey’s right. He needs space. And I’m the only interested in giving it.”  
They nod. Rise and leave. Rey looks to Luke when the front doors closes. She smiles thankfully.   
“Go get him, padawan,” he smirks. Oh- oh!   
“How’d you know?”  
“Rey, you think I got this grey not learning a few things? I’m not altogether happy about it,” he places his coffee and plate down, “but I’d rather you be happy. I realized a long time ago, no matter how hard I tried to make it work, he was your home. Now- go get him.”  
She swallows. Here goes nothing.

“If I wanted a lecture, I’d have gone back inside,” he’s standing at the edge of the brick path leading to the lawn. His toes barely touching the cool grass. The morning still cool enough to chill the dew on the blades. He’s pulled the sweater fully on, and a small extraneous part of her whines at the lack of skin.  
“You think I’m mad at you?”  
“Why else did you look at me that way?”  
“I was mad at them! Dammit Ben!,” she grabs his shoulder to make him face her and she calms herself before continuing, “If I’m anything, I’m- I- bugger Why is this so hard!”  
She takes her hands through her hair. Spinning incredulously to look around her. At anything but him and his damned beautiful face.  
“You love me,” He’s breathless. She pauses in her desperate pirouette, going against all her fear to look him in the eye.  
He looks like he just saw snow in July, eyes wide and full of wonder.  
“Of course I love you, you idiot,” she says. Why can’t she ever say what she means- the way she means it... He steps closer and her heart stutters.  
“Yes, but more than that- I mean, not in that way,” he steps closer again, and as her foot takes a half step back his hand shoots out to catch her middle. Her sleeping tank stretching a bit from the intensity of his hold on her. He pulls her forward. She swallows- hard.  
“You,” his other hand reaches up to brush some unruly strands from her face, “want me.”  
And she can’t hold it. She lunges forward and kisses him. Six years. Six years go into that kiss. Every night she cried. Every night she raged. Every night she was breathless from imagining a moment very much like this one. His lips on hers, kissing her back, meeting her need and longing every bit. Whimpering and moaning. Relief soaking their bones. She’s wanted it ever since that night. He stops abruptly. And he pulls away.   
Now it’s her turn to keep him from running. He’d have to pry himself from her dead hands.  
“What is it?” She pleads.  
“I shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t have dreamed about his every night for six years- Rey... this is wrong,” he finally opens his eyes. And she’s broken by his guilt. She goes to comfort him with a hand on his face, but her fingers instead grip at tuft of his hair.   
“You listen to me, Ben Solo. We are not them anymore. I am not a silly sixteen year old girl with a fantasy for Prince Charming. And you are no longer the young man who needed time. We’ve had enough time. I’m grown up. I know what I want. And I want you. I’m not a child. So for the love of God, forgive yourself for wanting this. Because I want you, too. More than I wanted anything else. So, suck it up and bloody kiss me!”  
He chokes out a relieved laugh, tears streaming his cheeks. She leans into him again, wiping the wet from his skin; brows lifting in question. He nodded. She closes her eyes as their lips meet again. A confirmation. A signature. A proclamation. He was hers. And she was his. He breaks away again. She huffs.  
“No- what about Luke!”  
“He practically shoved me out the door to come kiss some sense into you, we’re good,” he blinks a very confused blink while staring at the back of the house- almost looking like his father in a moment of shock- but she turns his face to kiss him again. He doesn’t pull away again.


End file.
